When I was Eleven

I wanted to be Nadia Comaneci. She was the big deal back when I was a kid. My family watched the 1976 Summer Olympics faithfully. It didn't matter that I was a bit overweight or had never taken a gymnastics class. That was my wish. Someday.
Nadia was cute with her dark, short ponytails. She was darling and daring. She was fit and muscular. She moved effortlessly. She was everything I wasn't or thought I wasn't.
My dad and stepmom encouraged my little sister and me as we did cartwheels and round offs over and over in their front yard. That was the extent of our tumbling skills and they weren't very pretty, but the way my stepmom was sincerely delighted at our antics was edifying.
It took 'way too long for me to realize that everything has a price. You have to work for muscles, smarts, skills, etc. Somehow I didn't connect ability with persevering effort. Of course, I know I could have worked at gymnastics for years and years and never even be able to do a round-off handspring, but I am thinking about the other things in life that requires hard work and persistent struggle.
I don't know whether it's the idealist in me, the naivete, or laziness that didn't connect hard work and achievement. Perhaps it was the perfectionist in me that kept me back from trying things from fear of failure. Whatever it was, it took an either-or situation to fuel the fire of I'm-so-doing-this spirit under my feet or my tush. (I love a little yiddish thrown into a story.)
It took seven years of one-college-class-per-semester, raising a family, and a full-time job, to get a degree and a teaching certificate. Now I am teaching elementary school students. It has been a ride, let me tell you! I love it and, at times, hate it. I am grateful for the opportunity to work with children, most days. But looking back through all the delights and all-I-want-to-do-is-scream-my-guts-out, (mostly from my interactions with adults) I remember the moment I knew I was going back to college. I was driving over the bridge that spans the Sugar River between Broad Street and Washington and thought, "Now I will be someone."
At that exact moment, my beautiful, gracious Father God, said to my heart, "Who are you?"
He was reminding me that I am His and He is mine. He is my Beloved One and I am His. So much grace.
That truth is beyond being a professional, a teacher, a successful whatever, or even a beautiful, young Olympic champion. It has been an indescribable life journey from feeling rejected, ugly, and insignificant (even when there were people who loved me-- but that's another tale) to knowing I am deeply, irrevocably loved by the God of the Universe who does not ever change His mind. He does love me and always will. Eleven-year-old self, keep going. Don't give up. Your Champion is there. You just don't see Him yet.
There are so many paradoxes in God's kingdom. Work and grace. Perseverance and rest. Remember what He has done and forget what is behind. I appreciate the complexity and the simplicity of my God more and more knowing I will never fathom his ways, because I know He is good.

All the Same to Him

All the Same to Him


Gifts or weakness
They're all the same to God
He can use it all for good
Just be the Church

Nobody would choose
the way He works
Wisdom looks like foolishness
But faith says
Who would you trust
God, self, or others?

Gifts and brokenness
All for His glory
All for the Kingdom
King Abba, good Papa

Trust in the Father
Not your weary heart
His name is Faithful
His name is Truth
Discover who he made you to be
Be, just be

Nobody would choose
the way He works
Wisdom looks like foolishness
But love says
Trust Jesus, trust the One
The One Who knows your heart

I Only Dance in Church

Why do I dance?

Beautiful glory
I feel the passion of Your heart
Feel the beat of Your heart

The only time,
I only dance in church

No words, there are no words
to speak of Your beauty

A part of me understands
the strength and breadth of Your love

And it comes out when
it's time to dance in church
Faithful, soul-shaking beat
The beat of a Good Father's heart
for me
for me
for me and for you

Do you feel the Father's heart?
Will you receive the Father's
pure and tender touch?
He is waiting, gently, patiently
Waiting for a chance to dance

Praise Him with a dance
The dance of the grateful
His pleasure is in His people
The Father enjoys His children

The only time,
I only really dance in church
Faithful, spirit-shaking beat
The beat of a Good Father's heart
for me
for me
for me and for you

The 20 Best Things about Christmas

1. Thinking about what to make or buy for others
2. O Holy Night lyrics
3. Blue Outdoor Christmas lights-- every time I look at them I become instantly peaceful
4. Hanging up Christmas tree ornaments and remembering...
5. Eggnog
6. Having homemade Orange Julius on Christmas morning
7. Wondering which daughter will be the first one awake on Christmas morning. (They are all grown up and still wake us up before 6:00 a.m.)
8. Watching others open their presents
9. Homemade fudge with walnuts
10. Huge, fluffy, slow-falling snowflakes
11. Pinning new Christmas ideas on Pinterest
12. Reading the story of Christ's birth and being amazed in the humble, profound wisdom of God's plan for rescuing the world
13. Our annual gingerbread roadkill cookie contest-- I have no idea how this started, but it gets grosser every year :)
14. Christmas stocking gifts
15. Christmas music-- especially songs by Ray Charles
16. Watching "It's a Wonderful Life"-- great movie and Jimmy Stewart is the man!
17. Wearing Christmas jewelry at school
18. Working on our "Light of the World" puzzle-- Simeon's facial expression when first seeing the Messiah is beyond moving. The verse on the puzzle says it all, "For my eyes have seen your salvation which you have prepared in the sight of all nations: a light for revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of your people Israel.”
19. Ham gravy and mashed potatoes for Christmas dinner
20. The new year is just around the corner with all kinds of wonderful possibilities

20 Reasons I am a Christian

1. There is nothing and no one who brings profound peace like Jesus
2. Jesus never changes; yet, there is always more to learn about Him
3. God is faithful
4. God is patient beyond what I understand
5. God not only loves me, He enjoys me
6. Creation reflects God's glory and His glory blows my mind!
7. Holy Spirit is the most creative force in heaven or on Earth
8. He is my Friend
9. He is my Beloved One
10. He loves me when I am weak and when I'm strong in Him
11. He is God, Creator of Heaven and Earth
12. He is a good Father
13. He is kind
14. He is generous
15. He is not a tyrant
16. He is worthy of all my love, affection, and devotion
17. He is like no one else who ever was or who ever will be
18. He is staggeringly beautiful
19. He is THE Poet; the Word
20. He is Truth

20 Reasons Teaching is the Bomb

1. Watching kids run on the tops of huge snow piles at winter recess
2. Making anchor charts
3. Reading students' stories
4. Markers, pens, pencils, sticky notes
5. Read-alouds after recess
6. Field trips
7. Science Notebooks
8. Pizza celebrations in the classroom
9. Art projects
10. Scholastic book order boxes with my name on it in the school office!
11. Planning for the next year
12. Hopes/dreams for the next school year
13. Big, satisfying piles of corrected student work
14. 3rd grade drawings of most anything
15. Bites of chocolate eaten directly after school
16. 2nd, 3rd, and 4th cups of coffee
17. Decorating the classroom before school starts for the year
18. Introducing students to School House Rock clips on Youtube and singing along!
19. Seeing the "lightbulb go on" during a lesson
20. 3rd graders enthusiasm for learning

Roots, part 4

Great Aunt Lakie loved my mom's name because it was the name of a real-life princess. Mom never went by Meg or Maggie or anything except for Margaret or Margaret Rose.
My mom's mother, Grandma Smith, told me more than once that mom was, "as independent as a hog on ice," which is a typical vivid saying from Grandma.
My mom was born and raised on a wheat and cattle farm in eastern Colorado. It's a wonder, really, why God decided to place her in a farming family. She doesn't like to sweat and I don't remember her doing much physical work except for cleaning and organizing. (But if cleaning and organizing was an Olympic event, she would win it hands-down every four years for decades, then become a coach for the U.S. She is that amazing.) Mom said the few times she tried to help Grandpa on the farm, it usually ended with Grandpa saying, "Margaret, go to the house."

Mom's house was always immaculate. Always. When my sister and I were older she would work all day doing administrative things at her job then come home to us asking her what she was making for dinner before she had her coat off. She made down-home food and it was always good--she even made left-overs taste good.
On the weekends she did everybody's laundry. She even ironed our jeans. Everything she did was neat and organized and I learned how to work hard by watching Mom. That is a huge gift.
Mom has a gift of discernment and wisdom along with her administrative gift. She can "read" people well and is usually spot-on. Truly, I should have listened to her more, but the independent-as-a-hog-on-ice thing didn't skip a generation.
The greatest thing about Mom is that she loves her children and grandchildren with all of her heart. She has always done her very best for us and her best is pretty darn good. She has shown me what it is to be a mother. I know I get my strong mothering instinct from her and I am ever so grateful for it especially when I see so many younger people struggle in this area because it has not been modeled for them. I am so grateful to Mom for that.
Mom was and always is a lady. She oozes dignity and decorum. And she has a good sense of humor which she has taught me is something truly important.
I use some of Mom's saying often. My favorites are, "It's the little things in life" and "You get what you pay for." It turns out that Mom was right about a lot of things. I am sincerely proud to have a princess and a farmer's daughter for a mother. I love her with all of my heart.